I Love You
by icedcooly
Summary: A very lengthy Aoshi/Misao poem that rhymes! ^_^;


I Love You by Charlene

Standard disclaimers apply 

Narrator: 

A girl all alone 

At her desk at night. 

Her eyes a dull grey, 

Compared to the moon's bright light. 

She stares for a while, 

Pondering listlessly. 

She pauses to finger 

Her painting brush wistfully. 

For a moment she looks 

Almost like she would cry. 

But then her shoulders she squares 

And gives a determined sigh. 

She clenches her jaw, 

And tightens her hold on the brush. 

And the paper shudders 

From her tremulous touch. 

And then she begins, 

The swirly black strokes. 

More and more words 

From the brush she coaxed. 

The words seem to flow 

Ever so effortlessly. 

She didn't even pause, 

And it flowed on ceaselessly. 

And finally, 

When the paper was filled and all done, 

The girl—a slender lass— 

Sighed as if she weighed a ton. 

And then she crept on 

Out of her room, 

And across the Aoiya, 

As if to meet her doom. 

She stopped at a door, 

And without a pause, 

Slid the letter over 

The intimidating floors. 

And then she went off, 

As quietly as she'd come. 

And yet she knew that he 

Was not dumb. 

He would find it the moment 

That she'd reached her room. 

And hopefully would meet her 

Where the shadows loom. 

For she had asked him in the letter 

To meet her if 

He said he would graciously 

Accept her gift. 

And now, though things seem 

Kinda weird. 

Don't worry, for soon 

Everything will be revealed. 

Not less than 

A minute had slowly ticked by, 

Before a man picked the letter up 

And breathed a soft sigh. 

And then he began reading 

The words she had wrote. 

And from here on, 

This is all one big quote. 

Misao: 

At twenty I should be married 

Not moping like this. 

Not hoping and willing and crying 

Like this. 

Puppy love and crushes 

And sweet summer romances, 

And dreams of soft kisses 

And beautiful dances. 

That should all be over, 

Oh yes, it all should. 

My childish moods and fancies 

As over as could. 

I cannot twist 

And I cannot bend, 

The rules of loving and 

Hating a friend. 

And yet I find myself 

Lost in this world 

Of desire and 

Unfulfilled hopes unfurled. 

And the centre, the object, 

The source of it all. 

Is none other than 

What is truly unobtainable. 

Dark hair, blue eyes, 

You guessed it—that's right. 

A former okashira, 

Ominous and dark as the night. 

He has no emotions 

Of which to speak of. 

Much less hatred, or madness 

Or simple sweet love. 

Maybe he knows and 

Maybe he does not. 

That some hopeful girl 

Whose heart he has got, 

Her faith and her love 

And her ups and her downs 

Are all his, his to use, 

All his to twist round. 

Ignore me, step aside, 

Roughly push me away. 

But no one can stop what 

My heart has to say. 

And that is that age four 

I am so not. 

Not the gurgling girl who 

Snored and slept in a cot. 

Not eight either, 

Not eight at all. 

Not one who listened 

And pestered and called. 

Age fourteen then? 

Wrong, wrong again. 

Not one who knew not 

What was love and what was pain. 

Eighteen perhaps? 

Another wrong guess. 

No more silly jokes, pranks 

Or immature sass. 

Twenty, I am. 

Twenty is now. 

The girl who walks delicate 

And respectfully bows. 

The girl who knows just 

Both love and pain. 

The girl who knows just 

Both losses and gain. 

She has the same 

Black hair and blue eyes. 

She still teases, and laughs 

And she also still cries. 

Yet so different from the 

One that I was before. 

I've changed from the outside 

Right through to the core. 

Please believe me Aoshi. 

Believe what I say. 

That I am as different from what I was 

As night is from day. 

You smiled and played along 

With the young me. 

You loved her as a sister 

And everyone could see 

Just how much you liked her 

Just how much you cared. 

But now for the new me 

No thought or word you spare. 

Why? Why Aoshi? 

I need my answer now. 

Just why you ignore me 

Just why and just how. 

My heart filled with longing 

My eyes with true love. 

Can't you see that you alone, 

You alone I'll serve? 

I used to adore you, 

It was just a crush. 

But now there's enough 

Of sentimentalities and mush. 

Now it's so different, 

So different it is. 

What I need is not fun, 

What I need is…his 

Loving answer 

To my heart's helpless plea. 

To unlock the treasures deep within 

With your golden key. 

But will you ignore me? 

Will you turn away? 

Will you make excuses, 

And say simply, "Okay." 

"Misao, I don't love you. 

Misao I don't care. 

Misao these words are so true, 

Refute me if you dare." 

Am I so afraid of that? 

Of painful rejection? 

No—I need your love so bad 

I need your protection. 

So I tell you now, 

And I tell you true. 

These words cannot lie, 

These words I can't undo. 

Aoshi I love you, 

With all of my heart. 

I give myself to you, 

And of you I want a part. 

I know you are frozen, 

I know you are cold. 

But I know if I try, 

Your secrets I can unfold. 

If you'll just give me a chance, 

If you'll just hear me out. 

Don't glare, don't laugh, 

Don't ignore me, don't shout. 

You know deep inside 

That my words are true. 

Now everything will be complete 

If you'll just give me part of you. 

That's all I can say, 

That's all I hold dear. 

It's all very simple, 

It's all very clear. 

Narrator: 

And then the man rose, 

From his sitting place. 

His expression, a look 

Undescribable on his face. 

He sat for a while, 

Lost in deep thought. 

And comfort from the darkness 

He so gladly sought. 

He remained like this, 

For quite a long time. 

And then he got up, 

And the clock began to chime. 

It was the morning already, 

And yet he did not sleep. 

Instead he pressed the letter to his chest, 

As if forever to keep. 

And then he settled down 

And he picked up 

A brush, and some paper 

And a wooden cup. 

He began the reply the girl 

So longed for. 

Unchanged his expression, 

The look he still wore. 

He wrote slowly, 

In cool measured strokes. 

He did not seem the least disturbed, 

Uncomfortable or provoked. 

It all seemed to come as if he'd 

Been waiting for this a long time. 

And planned it, and thought it over and over 

Again in his mind. 

He finished it quickly, 

Without a hitch. 

And then for the door he 

Began to reach. 

He did as the girl did, 

And she got the reply. 

And after she read it, 

She began to cry. 

Happy tears? Sad tears? 

Pretty hard to tell. 

But this is what the man said 

And it's all just as well. 

Aoshi: 

Misao, my Misao. 

Just what can I do? 

Just to show you how much, 

How much I love you? 

It must come as a shock, 

It must be a surprise. 

For never have I shown more than 

The truth or the lies. 

I could not tell you before 

You finally confessed. 

Because I was scared 

And I thought I knew best 

For you, and for me 

And for everyone else. 

But I was foolish 

Because love shows and love tells. 

It is like a shadow that 

Never disappears. 

It's always there, forever, 

Through the hurt and the tears. 

You tried to make me smile, 

And you tried to make me laugh. 

But too cold I was, 

Too unbreakable, too tough. 

The shadow was there, 

Always there, warning me. 

Of what would happen 

Of what I would see. 

If I ever told you what 

I truly feel. 

If I ever gave you the 

True, real raw deal. 

You were young, 

So carefree and so very alive. 

I was scared that I would be forcing 

You into giving something you couldn't give. 

Yes, I am a coward, 

And yes, I am a fiend. 

But I had to wait so that I knew 

Your heart could lend 

The love and the care 

That I carry around. 

Just so for you, 

With a cross and a bound. 

It's locked up inside 

Through the sea of ice. 

Through the hate and the hurt 

That grips my heart like a vice. 

And yes, it's still there, 

The hurt and the hate. 

Call it what you may— 

Be it plain life or strange fate. 

It will never go, 

My emotions will freeze. 

Whenever I feel that 

"Oh no, no, no! Please—" 

"Don't let me fall, 

Right back to square one. 

Back to when I had to hurt, 

And I had to run 

Away from it all. 

All the pain and the sorrow, 

And the pressure and stress 

Of facing tomorrow." 

Perhaps it was being leader 

At the mild age of fifteen. 

Expected to live up to expectations, 

Cool-headed and keen. 

Men twice my age 

Were being ordered to kill. 

By a mere youngster 

With small experience, small skill. 

So you see, I had no other, 

No other choice. 

But to put on a mask 

And pretend, act and poise. 

I was a puppet, 

And I could not stop 

Being a leader who was right, 

Who was right at the top. 

But to you it must be 

A real lame excuse. 

A chance to take advantage of 

Your innocence, to abuse. 

But no! No it isn't! 

A loud protest from the heart. 

Because, dear Misao, 

I loved you right from the start. 

When I first glimpsed your azure blue eyes, 

Those gems of the sea. 

I knew that it was true, 

You were the one for me. 

You were but a small baby, 

And yet I just knew. 

That being with you would give me 

A chance to start anew. 

Maybe it was intuition, 

Maybe it was a mindless thought. 

But I knew it was a spark 

Which, together, it brought 

The first inklings of warmth 

Which filtered right through 

Through my forest of hurt, 

My forest of but a few 

Of the darkest feelings 

That life ever brought. 

All carefully carved, 

All meticulously wrought 

Into my young heart, 

With a large warning sign 

Do not give away, 

Don't ever be kind. 

Or else you will suffer 

For what you thought good. 

Because you can trust naught but yourself 

It's all right, it's all as it should. 

The darkness warned me 

Of all that had light. 

That it would rob me mercilessly, 

Blind me of my sight. 

Of my judgement and sensibilities, 

And wisdom and strength. 

Of everything within me, 

Of width and of length. 

And yet you taught me 

The exact opposite. 

That light gave strength, 

That light just…lit. 

And even though sometimes 

It takes time to grow 

From a smothering sizzle, 

To a roaring raging flow, 

It doesn't matter because 

Light simply never fails. 

It keeps on and struggles right 

Through the strongest gales. 

It sparkles and glows 

Till an outright perfect flame. 

It cannot be smothered, 

It cannot be tamed. 

And your light pushed hard 

And it struggled its way 

Through the dangers and horrors 

And coldness at bay. 

And at last it's succeeded, 

You've left a hot trail. 

Through the blackened ash 

Where once hid such frail 

Ideals of revenge, 

And dreams of the best. 

That nothing could stop, 

That nothing could rest 

But one little flame, 

Just one little spark. 

And that took my all, 

My hate, ice and dark. 

I thought I could forget you, 

I thought I could ignore. 

But you kept on pushing, 

To remind me this is all for 

Nothingness, loneliness, 

Nothing in the world! 

The one dream I needed, 

The one dream, a girl 

With dark hair, and blue eyes 

That fill my vastest void. 

She could give me everything, 

Of all I was devoid. 

Misao, I am thankful, 

For your golden words. 

And the spark that you started 

And your song of the birds. 

You gave me reassurance, 

And trust that in you 

I would find the extra light 

To complete all that is new 

To my inexperienced blackness, 

My shadows which hid. 

Of that—it's all gone, 

Of that—it's all rid. 

And the truth I once showed, 

You so rightly placed it, 

It's not that—it's not that at all, 

Though it did seem to fit. 

Right from the start, 

Misao, before there ever was a 'we,' 

I needed you more than 

You needed me. 

Narrator: 

And in the night's cool embrace, 

A girl wreathed in the soft mist, 

Watched and waited with girlish 

Impatience and wist. 

She knew he would come, 

And yet she was scared. 

For fear that he would once again 

Not show her he cared. 

Yes he had said 

And yes he had spoken. 

And yet she needed something more— 

A symbol, a token. 

That finally, finally 

After all the years of struggle, 

She would never have to cry again, 

She would never have to huddle 

From the grief and the hurt 

Of the truth he once showed. 

And then it would repeat, 

And everything followed. 

But—no! There he was, 

A lone figure in black. 

There was something different, 

Something he used to lack. 

A glimmer, a shine, 

The way he took each step. 

Somehow he was more whole, 

Somehow more adept. 

Misao did not doubt the man 

Any more further. 

Both turned to each other, but 

Said not a word to neither. 

It was like a band of light 

Wrapping them together, 

A promise to never loosen, 

Never, never, ever. 

Not a sound did they make, 

Nor even a move. 

But eloquent the instant, 

It was—it was love. 

It seemed almost as if 

The two met for the first, 

As surged forth from their hearts, 

Yes, their hearts burst— 

With such warmth, and such care, 

And such ultimate knowing. 

That everything was complete, 

That everything was going 

Just as God had planned, 

No—he never did want them to go, 

Without first admitting to the 

Great love they felt so. 

It wasn't by chance, 

No it wasn't by fate. 

Because no matter what, 

They would never have to wait 

For each other so tragically 

Ever again, 

Never did they have to go through 

All the hot searing pain. 

Because anytime a love so 

Straight, strong and true, 

Is discovered and held close 

Forever, then you 

Can count on that the love will 

Withstand all time, 

For God knows all, 

And God is so kind. 

So the two young lovers 

Will forever just be 

Immortalised in their own heaven 

Just…just you and me. 

-----@ ~OWARI~ @----- 

Notes: 

I know some of the rhymes were strange, didn't make sense or simply didn't fit in, though I really tried to get it all together. Gomen! C&C welcome at jillwentupahill@hotmail.com For best results, read with Sarah Mclachlan's "Surfacing" CD at full blast. Especially "I Love You" which I always picture Misao singing to Aoshi. Sorry 'bout the title. Couldn't come up with anything more original! 

  



End file.
